How To Deal With Anger Issues
There are two faces of anger. The Silent Stuffers hide their real feelings. They will not admit that they are angry and have an even harder time expressing it. The Electric Explosives sometimes yell. They usually don’t hit but will frequently be found standing-blocking the doorway with outbursts like, “I’m not done talking!” or “How dare you walk out on me!”
How Do We Define Anger?
Anger is a strong, powerful emotion that can originate from feelings of disappointment, frustration, hurt, or annoyance. It’s an emotion that we all experience from time to time. It can range from petty irritations to strong feelings of rage. Angry feelings are influenced by our emotional make-up, our view of the world, and what is going on around us.
Anger is a natural, healthy emotion that we all need to express. Sometimes, anger can become uncontrollable and harmful—and it can even lead to violent behavior. The problem is not the anger; it is the way we handle it. This can cause a breakdown in communication. Anger is a by-product of an underlying hurt we’re feeling deep down inside, probably experienced since childhood. Hence, this makes us more vulnerable to our current situation.
Do you remember when you were just a small child, 4 to 5 years old? Were you allowed to say you were angry or show anger? Were you told to go have cookies and milk, or go in your room? Perhaps, your parent said, “No, you’re not angry, you’re just bored,” denying your feelings.
Maybe anger and screaming was an everyday occurrence. That was the norm, the chaos in your house.
Threatening feelings seemed to result from both external and internal events.
Examples of external triggers include a spouse’s lack of attention, a coworker’s slight remark, teenagers’ behavior outbursts, a traffic jam, or the neighbor’s loud stereo, or even their dogs barking.
Internal triggers include worrying or brooding about personal problems, feelings of not being good enough, not having a voice, misperceptions, and fearful thoughts.
Other Reasons For Getting Angry Include:
- Being physically or verbally assaulted
- Feeling a hit to our self-esteem, or our egos
- Interruptions when focusing on a goal
- Losing money on a bet
- Someone defying or arguing about a principle that we consider important
- Being treated unfairly or perceiving that we are, and feeling powerless to change this
- Feeling disappointed by someone else
- If you’re explosive, you need to resolve this behavior because of the hostility it can cause to your relationships. People often deny that they even have a problem; they’ll justify their actions no matter what.